i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
