I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
