I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize