Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
