Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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