Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
