im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
