Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
