I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
