I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
