so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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