Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
