On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
