That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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