Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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