dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
