Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
