goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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