he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
