Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry about my life...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
