I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
