He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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