Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
