I puked a lego.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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