I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
