I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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