she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
