i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
