fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
