You smell like stripper and shame
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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