The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
