ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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