i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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