do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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