No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
