Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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