I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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