i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
