if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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