Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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