He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
