So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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