I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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