Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
