i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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