i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blood and glitter go together right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize