You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
