remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
