Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
