You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
