my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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