I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
