Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
