I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
