You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
