New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
