She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
