his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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