She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
