Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
