im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
