All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
