I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
